somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
