so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
