He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bring me that man meat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
