Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
