Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
