He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
