You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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