i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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