It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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