i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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