I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
