He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
