just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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