coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
