So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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