We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A bitchslap is in order.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
