woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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