You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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