I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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