States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
