Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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