I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
