yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
