I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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