its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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