you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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