OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
