I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
