K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
