I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
