I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
