South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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