I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
