Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
