So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
