I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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