I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
