so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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