i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I smell like Dick and happiness
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