My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i believe in u and ur pee
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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