One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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