He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You left your phone here
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