If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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