I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
