My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
