every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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