i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
