I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
