it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
