this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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