I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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