We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
