The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
