She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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