i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We have started to decorate penises.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
